pt2 The reclamation

The reclamation:

For now— I find my peace on the road home, 

Not the home on my DHL deliveries

The one my heart feels safe in,

Near the water, 

Where waves whisper secrets only souls can understand.

Until I can have a home to call mine…

stable…safe…filled with love,

My home will be my little beach house…

Even if for weekends…at least my little heart can just be.

Free from vigilance, free from memory.

Or cruising around in my little car at night,

Windows down, stars becoming a ceiling,

Listening to random blues that embrace my heart

In ways human arms have yet to master.

Music has always been a big part of my life—

Maybe an addiction honestly. 

The vibrations repairing what touch has damaged,

Melodies creating shelter when walls could not.

But it's an addiction I don't want letting go of—ever.

Lately, I've found myself taking care of my body more,

Making sure I massage it every night,

Lightly moisturizing and perfuming my skin-

A sacred ritual of self-love…

Like a subconscious apology in a way,

Although it was never my fault.

But at least I try

To make it feel loved and safe.

Not feeding it enough though—

Food was always related to my mood for the longest time.

My appetite would adjust according to my emotions,

So I have created a diet of Ovaltine and Ensure—

Ensuring it's fueled in a way...

A beginning of reconciliation,

This body and I,

Learning to coexist after the war.

These small acts of tenderness,

Road and water, music and motion, gentle touch,

Hold me until I can build something permanent.

Something that feels like bare feet on sun-soaked wooden floors.

Something that feels like coming home to myself.