mother

Today I woke up with grief wrapped in between my arms warming me with its heavy body...

I had a dream I had a baby, my ultimate desire in life, it was a beautiful baby boy but it felt so real to the point I didn't understand what happened when I woke up.

I birthed him...felt his tiny body go through mine and although it was painful I was enjoying it like I've never felt joy before in my life. I hugged my bump before going into the delivery room and although it was huge I was happy.

Such profound joy simply cannot be put into words, I carried him until he was too heavy for me and I had to let him take his steps....I had him...he was mine...then nothing...

All I can think of is I want my baby

I wanna have not one but three babies, maybe four if I miss it later on...but I want my baby...

Then I go home to take care of my grandmother and in between my tender touches and her confusion she call me "mother"...

I am mother ...