unspoken appreciation

Dear You,

 I'm writing this knowing it might never find its way into your hands, might remain forever a whisper trapped on this page. But something inside me needs these words to exist, to breathe, to be real...even if only for me.

 I never said how much those grand gestures meant to me. How each time you stepped forward, showed up, made an effort...I was watching (appreciating from a distance) , even when I seemed distant. 

I was feeling, even when I didn't know how to respond. Your kindness was never invisible to me, though I'm sure it often felt that way. 

 Small things that weren't really small at all. 

 But beneath all of this, there's a trembling vulnerability I've been afraid to admit.

 I am terrified of how quickly everything can disappear. Life feels like a fragile glass sculpture, beautiful but so easily shattered. In quiet moments, the uncertainty consumes me...the knowledge that any breath could be the last, any meeting could be the final goodbye. 

 

This fear isn't rational. I know life is transient, that impermanence is the only constant. But knowing and feeling are two different landscapes. My fear is a living thing, wild and uncontrollable, prowling inside me like a caged animal. It whispers terrible possibilities. It makes me freeze when I should reach out, makes me silent when I should speak. But life has humbled me before, saying I will call you tomorrow then having to attend their funeral the next morning...my heart torn between this memory and between just staying away.

 I carried your gestures with me, tucked them away in the quiet corners of my heart. They became private treasures, moments of unexpected grace that I revisited in silence.

 And though I never expressed it then, they shaped me. They taught me about compassion and generosity. 

 If this letter could find its way to you, I would want you to know: I saw you. I appreciated you. Even in my silence, especially in my silence, I was grateful. 

 

Perhaps this is less a letter and more a prayer...sent out into the universe with the fragile hope that somehow, somewhere, you might feel the gratitude I could never properly express. A testament to human connection, to the moments that define us, to all the feelings that persists even when words fail.

 Sincerely,

 Someone Trembling Between Fear and Hope