life is beautiful but hurts like hell

I feel that when I write on paper it's permanent-ish somehow so typing feels lighter...

On my way home yesterday I was thinking about going maybe getting a massage with the new oil I bought and maybe ordering food, watching a movie...but life is a funny funny thing...and as a joke I think life decided enaha tetala3 mayetin omy (I don't curse da mesh tool lesan ya lou) LITERALLY, imagine just being dead in a grave and suddenly people wanna move you or whatever...

I couldn't cry because I've never felt this in my life...I don't know if I'm upset but definitely confused and anxious to the point of throwing up...

But there's nothing I could do, so I just took the info in and shut my mouth...

A cup of pure ethanol could maybe turn my brain off...

I'm tired of my patience being tested...I'm patient wallah bas khalas enough...

I'm just gonna go get my monthly spa things smell like a flower bouquet and get a mani pedi with a foot massage...

Makes me feel like I'm a self cleaning oven but life keeps going on it doesn't just stop at a certain point n wait for us...

So yeah...whatever lol