About life and overnight bags

Just packed my green suitcase (believe me every single time I look at it I wish it were pink)...anyways my favorite part of packing is taking a shower right after feels like a reset and I just love doing it.

 Anyways, as the water floods my body my mind wanders...I think about how my soul craves a place to permanently be at I mean...sure I have a home or homes in my case but there was a time where I didn't hesitate before submitting an online order or mixing up both addresses so it gets delivered to where I am not staying rather than where I am at. I just wish I didn't have an on-the-go pouch for my makeup or dresses in two if not three different closets. I deeply crave a sense of stillness...my mind wandered a little more back as the shower kept soaking me...I remember last time I had the sense of home stolen from me was when I was 15...I had just changed schools and although it was the same distance from my house or rather "home" as my old school but it was decided I stay with my aunt on my dad's side...I don't remember much of my high-school years at that house but I remember being mostly alone...she travelled A LOT but I was a good kid that they often forgot I existed XD...but when she was home I was the luckiest girl on earth I just love her...what I remember though is when I wasn't doing homework or my head wasn't stuck in a book I had this huge feeling of responsibility I had to make sure I was fed and woken up for school with clean ironed uniform and I was just 15!!!! 

I was talking with my aunt recently, again...amazing woman i love her so much, she said if I regret one thing its that we didn't let you live your age and just threw you in the face of responsibility.

 Honestly though if I could turn back time I'd do it all again...its all part of the experience at the end of the day. 

So, my mind wandered once more..now to when I was 17, I now spend weekends in another house ironically weekends were spent in the house that felt most like home. And even now I still have an overnight bag packed and ready to go whenever.

 

My mind comes back to the shower and one thought kept nagging...I just wanna be home again I wanna be home and bring my kids home I never want my daughter to have to choose between two delivery addresses whenever she places an order online or my son to miss soccer just because he was at his other house...I want a home and I wanna fill it with freshly baked bread and cake and when we go away for the weekend we do so as a family.

This past week I've spent a lot of time on my own and I didn't notice how much I missed that girl until I actually spent time with her...I love her...I love me...but that week made me realise how much of a "homebody" I was, yes I would love to go out don't get me wrong I love nothing more than to get dressed and put on nice clothes and do my makeup and maybe get my hair done if I have time...but give me a good book, yoga mat and snacks and you'll probably find me in the same spot you left me and cookies baking in the oven.

I got out of the shower, got dressed and rolled my suitcase as I went to grab lunch, I got a grilled cheese sandwich, my all time favourite honestly...then I hit the road home one of them at least.

 As I'm writing this I'm sitting in a cab and the GPS says I'm 6 minutes away from the location called "home" on my GPS app....still wish my suitcase was pink though.....