YOLO pt.2

I was thinking about basically everything while in the shower early this morning, for some reason the shower is the place where I either think or unplug my mind...there is no in between. I guess maybe that is why I have a very strict shower routine or not really a routine but I HAVE to shower before bed or else I won't be able to have a peaceful night (sometimes I like to close my eyes and imagine the running water washing away the day), and right after I wake up especially on mornings when I feel stressed...like today for example...I hopped right into the shower the moment I opened my very heavy eyelids.

As much as I was hoping that the shower would slow down my stressed mind that won't stop thinking about basically everything...exams...life...regrets...however it kept circling back to a certain thought that I couldn't really shake off which was falling back into past loops and habits...I didn't want my mind to remind me of that first thing in the morning. I got out of the shower and got on with my day but somehow this thought kept popping up every now and then throughout the day.

I had a moderately busy day so after I was done with the day I sat on a bench in the sun and absorbed its loving energy like the houseplant that I am XD (got a bad sunburn but I definitely don't regret it!!)...I kept thinking about the same loops that I have fallen in a few times and that I really don't wanna repeat it again but at this point a reassuring voice inside me said something great for the first time since 6am XD...it kept reassuring me that nothing will be repeated and that I know deep inside that I have changed so much lately so the sensible thing would be that I won't repeat old habits or mistakes, I might still have a few regrets though which is normal though...I mean we're all human at after all. However, lately even people who have known me for only the last couple of months started noticing how much I have changed, one literally said "I could see the change with my eyes" that is probably what I needed to hear!
I think I had created a shield to protect myself from nothing and what made me a little sad is that I didn't get to show a lot of people the real me cause I was mostly shielding myself while I should have been unapologetically being myself. 

Thinking about this now, a few months ago I met a person and they asked me if I could describe myself or my life in one word what would the word be?...I really wanted to say "The journey" but I didn't, instead I said "I don't really know" and a bunch of random stuff but deep down I knew what the word was... but at that point I felt that being as far away from my real self as possible so people would like me better. To my surprise when I asked that person the same question they said "The journey" ! At that point I was amazed, a little because it's the same thing I wanted to say but a lot because they said so unapologetically and they were not hiding their true self. Which made me remember, "The Journey with Zee" which is the name of my blog. I don't know if I'll ever get to say this to that person and let them meet my true self...the Hala without all the filters or if they'll ever read this blog post and figure out that its them I'm talking about and maybe decide to meet the real me this time. Or whether they'll think that the "real me" is cooler or not but I do think she is...and that is what matters right?

For everyone reading this though, welcome to my journey...whether we met or we'll meet someday or whether we met and our paths drifted apart you somehow are or were part of my journey. And whoever hops on or even off I wanna say "That's my journey and I its gonna be one hell of a journey".

And finally I'm really excited to get to meet whoever didn't get to meet me...the real me again!!

So for now, see you soon people!

Ps.this photo was actually taken today...minutes before I was sunburnt XD